That’s easy; packing up and heading west the California way was the biggest, boldest move I’ve ever made…but it wasn’t really by choice. If you had asked me 4 years ago to name the Top 5 cities I’d like to live in, LA wasn’t even at the bottom of that list but here I am. Some might say that it was my sense of adventure and belief in seizing opportunities that led me here but I would say I was sold a wolf ticket, came out, and got stuck. But somehow, miraculously, I’m still standing.
Try as I might, I have never really found my niche here. I’m not “Hollywood” but I’m not common either. I’m not fake which can make it difficult to get along with people (though I have met some other real people here who have become great friends) and I don’t do lines so I’m never at the “hottest clubs”. The food is good though and I love to eat and well, living 4 miles away from Blake Griffin isn’t so bad either but this just doesn’t feel like home. I mean, I’m always happy to land at LAX and get to my house and in my own bed, but it’s just not home.
Come to think of it though, I don’t know that any place has really felt like home for me. I always had 2 or 3 homes growing up that I was shuffling back and forth between and in college, you move every year just about. After graduation, I seemingly had about a 2-year shelf life in any one place and then I was moving again. I never really unpacked and settled in anywhere until I bought my condo but just when I got everything how I wanted it, it was time to come to California.
There are worse places to be; it’s December 2 and the high for today is 73 degrees. I’m 20 minutes from the beach, 30 minutes from Hollywood, and a 45-minute flight away from Vegas. It’s really easy to get on TV and go to awards shows and after parties and what not and you’re just about guaranteed to see somebody famous at the airport which is where I spent the better part of 2 of the years I’ve been here. I don’t have to put snow tires on my car anymore or buy gloves though it can get chilly here at night in the winter.
As nice as that may sound, I really haven’t fully recovered from the move and what it meant for my life. And this year, I have found myself faced with the prospect of moving again to the other side of the country and while there are some good reasons for me to do so, I can’t forget how this move took its toll on me emotionally, physically, and spiritually and I have other things to worry about right now besides starting over again in another city. And yet, there are days that the loneliness gets to me; the “not fitting in” gets to me and while you know by now that I’m a unique bird, I am human and we long for company, companionship, camaraderie.
Moving to California changed my life…in good ways and in ways that I haven’t found the good in yet. I’m simultaneously happier and more jaded than before. I’m focused but distracted at the same time. I don’t want to leave but don’t know how much longer to stay so for today, I will just sit still and see what happens and when it’s time to make moves, I’ll know and I’ll deal with it.
What big, bold moves have you made? Comment here or on Facebook, or on Twitter @julia_locklear. Until tomorrow…